The constant need for security, analysis of any message, and fear that the outgoing partner may create an anxiety that burdens both sides. This model can be understood and modified

An hour goes by, then another, and the phone keeps silent. Even though the last meeting went well or the relationship started as a fairy tale, thoughts begin: Maybe he’s lost interest, maybe he’s dating someone else, maybe I’ve done something wrong. But it’s just a message that hasn’t come yet.

For many, this uncertainty is known. In people with anxious style of dating, however, waiting for an answer can trigger a much stronger fear of rejection and rejection. The desire for closeness is constantly accompanied by doubt about whether the person they love will really stay close to them.

What is the anxious style of the relationship?

The relationship theory, developed by British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowby and later expanded by psychologist Mary Ainsworth, highlights the importance of early relationships between the child and the caregivers.

Through such relationships, the child forms expectations if others are available, reliable, and willing to respond to his needs. Such experiences can also affect later romantic relationships.

Anxious style can develop when care has been unstable – at one time there has been closeness and warmth, while at other times the important person has been physically or emotionally unattainable. As adults, this may manifest a great need for love coupled with the difficulty of believing that it will last.

When each message becomes an analysis object

The beginning of a relationship contains a lot of uncertainty. We do not know how interested the other person is, what he expects of us, or whether he wants a serious relationship.

For someone who is already afraid of rejection, such uncertainty can cause strong emotional and physical reactions. The sound of a message on the partner’s phone, the mention of another person, or the change of routine can cause concern.

When the couple are together, the presence of their partner can create a sense of security. But as soon as they break up, that direct confirmation disappears. Then the time needed to return an answer, the tone of the message, or lack of it may be analyzed to the smallest detail.

Even an unconfirmed meeting for the next day can cause much greater fear than the situation requires.

When Fear of Loss Leads to Self – Loss

Fear of abandoning may cause a person to constantly try to please his partner. Rather than say what he wants, he adjusts his schedule, attitudes, and conduct to what he feels the other side wants.

In the most pronounced cases, this may lead to silence over what concerns him, accepting criticism without opposition, and continuing to give more than just to keep the relationship safe.

In time, a person may lose contact with his needs and forget that he too is entitled to attention, respect, and boundaries.

Why a constant search for security can strain the relationship

Anxiety does not necessarily disappear even when the relationship becomes stable. The person may often ask whether the partner still loves him or if he is angry or is thinking about separation.

Confirming love brings relief, but it may last very little. Another question follows, a new doubt, and the need for a partner to testify again that he is interested in the relationship.

A tiring circle thus develops: One requires ever closer proximity to calm down, while the other may feel pressured and withdrawn. This attraction, on the other hand, increases anxiety.

Not every distance means loss of interest

The mate’s desire to spend an evening can only be interpreted as a sign that feelings have changed. From here, thoughts may arise that the relationship has no future or that separation is already being prepared.

However, the need for personal space does not mean a lack of love, just as the need for closeness is not a problem in itself. Decision is the way partners talk about these needs and how much they respect each other.

How to get out of this circle

The first step is to distinguish from interpretation. The fact is, the message hasn’t come yet. The thought that you don’t love me is the conclusion that your mind has created.

It is worth observing times when you request confirmation, constantly check the phone, or cancel your plans to fit in with your partner. Then ask yourself what you really need and whether you can express it directly.

If the fear of abandonment becomes too strong, sleep decays, or causes you constant neglect, conversation with a psychologist or psychotherapist can help.

Anxious connection style is not a predetermined fate. It’s a pattern that can be understood and worked on. With greater awareness, clear boundaries and open communication, closeness in a relationship can become more relaxed and secure. /Telegraphy/